Fixing the Roof in a Thunderstorm

Or Sobriety, Neurodiversity and the Joy of Learning to Cope

Exhibit A: me, awkward, at a social gathering. AGAIN.

Recently, I went to my work Christmas party with my lovely colleagues, and The Moment came, that moment that all ex-drinkers will be familiar with. When the waiter takes the drinks order, and you, The One Sober Person in the Restaurant, must order a non-alcoholic drink.

If you’re longtimey sober, you might be quite okay with this, but you still have the muscle memory and actual memory of All The Drinks That Came Before so you can’t help feeling like you’ve been demoted from members club perks that you’ve begun to feel entitled to.

It’s kind of like being a vegan, perhaps, but without even the sweet knowledge that animals’ lives having been saved by your sacrifice to give comfort to your stance. (Though recent statistics show alcohol-related deaths are up by 42% since 2019 in the UK so maybe sober people can actually be read as even more smug and self-congratulatory than vegans?)

Some of my colleagues ordered prosecco, others ordered pints, and after much internal debate over whether to have the ginger beer or my usual zero percent jobby, I ordered the lone non-alcoholic beer on the menu.